How do I go faster

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Re: How do I go faster

Postby Bob Bull » Wed Jul 11, 2018 11:18 am

Anybody know the Croatian for 'Thrash the Nancy Boys'?
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Re: How do I go faster

Postby peter rafter » Thu Jul 19, 2018 9:15 pm

Not many of you, in fact nobody, spotted the flaw in my previous suggestion that I ‘self identify’ as the “pole sitter” in the Challenge races. {At this point Doctor Jack you can go direct to the end and avoid the allegedly soporific explanation}. My proposal was based on the “Zeno Paradox” (Zeno of Elea c. 490–430 BC) which came to me as I was warbling in the bathroom as part of the morning ablutions. As you all recall, this particular paradox highlights the concept of infinity is problematical. In a race, the quickest can never overtake the slowest, since the pursuer must first reach the point whence the pursued started, so that the slower must always hold a lead. Imagine for one fleeting moment the consequence. Ergo nobody could catch me up and I would claim the laurel wreath to the accompanying strains of Hail the Conquering Hero. Big Applause! Unfortunately those eternal killjoys i.e. Mafematicians queued up over the centuries to pee on this bonfire.
I don’t think that Zeno entered into Mr. Thompsons mindset as he set pole at Donington. With attendant coolant problems in the pretty red car I ultimately resorted to Doctor Jacks ‘ “cheeks firmly clenched “ approach and I did indeed improve , such as to better my previous times. If I could only persuade the other contestants not to do the same.
ps
Rome wasn’t built in a day. That was Sheffield!
pps
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Re: How do I go faster

Postby SimonScott » Fri Jul 20, 2018 12:02 pm

Very good to see you as well Peter. Although blaming your incontinence on the car is a bit like blaming the dog for a terrible odour methinks!!! :lol:
On the positive side, without coolants, your car must have been lighter and therefore faster. Maybe if you leave out the petrol as well...or maybe not... #-o
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Re: How do I go faster

Postby Bob Bull » Fri Jul 20, 2018 2:57 pm

SimonScott wrote:Very good to see you as well Peter. Although blaming your incontinence on the car is a bit like blaming the dog for a terrible odour methinks!!! :lol:
On the positive side, without coolants, your car must have been lighter and therefore faster. Maybe if you leave out the petrol as well...or maybe not... #-o


Simon your last suggestion is not a silly as it might sound … it would not be the first time Peter tried that ploy, as reported in the media at the time.
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Re: How do I go faster

Postby jack bellinger » Fri Jul 20, 2018 5:59 pm

Im glad that you have stared the exercise regime and that you have improved your lap time
So now you are ready for exercise 2

Once again sit on the floor with your legs out in front of you
(now the tricky bit)
Pretend your foot is in the flat out position
Now Clench 1 cheek at a time and keep your foot planted
once mastered it worth a Second a lap

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Re: How do I go faster

Postby peter rafter » Thu Aug 23, 2018 8:12 pm

I was gratified with my modest improvement at Donington thanks to following Dr. Jacks’ advice, that is before a mechanical failure curtailed my endeavours. Furthermore,I was disappointed to miss both Silverstone and Mallory. However, I am still fully resolved to make progress and have embarked on a rigorous regime in toning and strengthening the Gluteal Muscles (maximus, medium and minimus) in advance of Snetterton. Note to self “avoid such exercises in public as strange twitchings in ones trousers could be open to mis- interpretation- M’Lud).

Now to a more worthy topic. Given the parlous state of the Sheffield City Councils’ present finances, notwithstanding its parsimonious nature in anything not remotely related to an extreme left wing eclectic socialist global agenda, it is unlikely to be predisposed to award “Blue Plaques” in honouring the residences of its Alumni past and present. More notably that of pioneering driver of car BNP 280. Ergo “No Blue for Pru”. Besides which, and further to her disadvantage, is that Pru is not recorded as ever playing Cricket nor captaining England at this arcane ceremonial pantomime, (two of whom reside in Dore, Sheffield—Captains that is).
Additionally and equally sad, is that said steed BNP 280 was lost to Hallam and was spirited away to the darkest nether regions of the South of England.

Does this mean that we Worthies and Notables of the parish should pay for our own Blue Plaques.? In all modesty would mine but show “A motoring Ace, Polymath, Raconteur and All Round Good Egg?". Is this not a tad fulsome or effusive? Please refrain from Vicki Pollard responses (No, but yeah, but no, No, but, yeah, but, no, but, yeah, but, no, but, yeah because …Oh my god that is so unfair! Everybody knows ..
ps
Dore - 829 AD King Egbert of Wessex led his army to the village to receive the submission of King Eanred of Northumbria, thereby establishing his overlordship over the whole of Anglo-Saxon Britain:
Not a lot has happened since then .
pps
In watching a recording of the Monaco Historique I was delighted to hear the anecdotal report of Lord Hesketh welcoming Journos to a champagne reception with “ come aboard to the only team at Monaco with one race car and two yachts!!”
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Re: How do I go faster

Postby Leigh Sebba » Mon Aug 27, 2018 9:45 pm

Correction - I think you mean BNP 370 re registered for the following year LM entry as FXD 280.
Yes perhaps Prudence should have a blue plaque in Sheffield and you could discuss it with her son - Chair of Bugatti Soc. But as I understand it Sheffield has various plaques but no official blue ones - not even for Joe Cocker ( or Jarvis Cocker).
I see Helen Sharman (space woman ) comes from Sheffield - perhaps she could advise you on how to go faster ?
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Re: How do I go faster

Postby Bob Bull » Tue Aug 28, 2018 8:42 am

Based on voting patterns for Sheffield, I think a Blue Plaque would be distinctly out of place. Why, Peter even drives a red car. No doubt Sheffield's heroine was a trendy lefty.
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Re: How do I go faster

Postby peter rafter » Wed Sep 12, 2018 6:28 pm

With Snetteron in mind and notwithstanding Dr. Jacks’ valuable advice, sadly compromised by mechanical failure of the pretty red car at Donington, a haunting voice from the Isle of Capri on the Baird contraption suggests that I should speak with he who makes the thing that drills the hole
that holds the spring that drives the rod that turns the knob
that makes the thing that holds the oil
that oils the ring that takes the shank that moves the crank
that makes the engines roar and
that works the thing-ummy-bob.
that's going to win the race (one day).
At which point exactly should I burn incense, dance uncontrollably while chanting supplications to the Gods?
ps
I care not for fame or fortune but it can be somewhat galling to see all the prizes and honours go to those with talent and ability.
sob!
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Re: How do I go faster

Postby Bob Bull » Fri Sep 14, 2018 3:59 pm

I noticed that BBC had a programme on yesterday entitled The Mighty Redcar, any thing to do with you, Peter?
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Re: How do I go faster

Postby peter rafter » Mon Oct 01, 2018 5:25 pm

Over the weekend i was reading a letter written by Michelangelo when he was Painting the Vault of the Sistine Chapel, quote
“I’ve already grown a goiter from this torture, swollen up here like a cat from Lombardy (or anywhere where the stagnant water’s poison). My stomach’s squashed under my chin, my beard’s pointing at heaven, my brain’s crushed in a casket, my breast twists like a harpy’s. My brush, above me all the time, dribbles the paint so my face makes a fine floor for droppings!
My haunches are grinding into my guts, my poor ass strains to work as a counterweight, every gesture I make is blind and aimless. My skin hangs loose below me, my spine’s all knotted from folding over itself,
I’m bent taut as a Syrian bow..”
Not unlike Dr Jacks’ exercise regime in an attempt to make me go faster!

Many of you will have noticed that in the Autumn sunshine the pretty red car did indeed go faster in the second stint of the Pit stop race at Snetterton, much to the astonishment of spectators and race commentator alike. It simply flew, even so far as to post an impressive lap time and achieve credible positions in both the scratch and handicap results. However, It will come as no surprise to learn that in this instance young Tony Rivers masqueraded as Dr. jacks pupil. His sterling efforts earned the accolade of Drivers of the Day. I much enjoyed stepping forward to deafening rapturous applause, masking the patent disbelief of the assembled throng, to accept the proffered Yorkie bar, hastily substituted by Katie with 2 bottles of Wine. Just don’t tell Tony. I am still basking in the glory.
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Re: How do I go faster

Postby Phill Thomas » Mon Oct 01, 2018 7:00 pm

Can I suggest you use the Winter to improve your sign language and stop worrying about going faster. I now know you tried to signal "Look out, there's a lot of oil down there!" However, I interpreted your gesticulations as "Be my guest and overtake on my right side." Luckily the brakes on The Mighty Redcar were just enough to avoid a T Bone half way around Coram and the little blue car straightened up in time to round Murray's in a more conventional manner.
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Re: How do I go faster

Postby peter rafter » Mon Oct 01, 2018 7:15 pm

My fine Welsh Friend
re hand signals, pointing at 1 0 clock please pass on the right or left, allow a wide berth.
Pointing at 5 0' clock look for oil or other deleterious substances on track.
Waving both hands, consult prayer book!
Felicltations on the class win and podium
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Re: How do I go faster

Postby peter rafter » Wed Oct 31, 2018 7:09 pm

Scientists/Astronomers have recently discovered ghost or dust moons. They retain their form in a fixed orbit around the Earth
Forget all manner of contraptions and contrivances and even the exaltations of all, well at least some of you, this could just be the answer to the Question of the Moment. It is simple, basic, perhaps even obvious. It is the “Lagrange” effect.
Lagrange? Who he? Or what is that I hear you ask!? You will all recall from your schooling, however distant, at least those of you who managed to stay awake in the Science lesson, that strange, extraordinary and often unexplained rules and phenomena govern movement, time and space. Not only on the race track, but also in our solar system.
If I may be permitted to refresh your memories.
Around the Earth there are five “points of stability”, known as Lagrange points or celestial “parking spots”. Any object straying into these points will be locked in the same relative position between the Earth and the Moon as they orbit the Earth.
They are held in place by the dual gravitational pull from Earth and the Moon.
Could this be why some of us remain stranded or rather “Locked “ at or in close proximity to the rear of the grid during the course of the race. Is it the gravitation pull of the front runners and the back of the grid? In the Lagrange effect are we destined to be locked in in the same relative position despite best intentions and expectations. Is it that there are similarly 5 Lagrange points at every circuit? I cannot be certain, but rest assured I will research it. I will forthwith retrievefrom the loft my hastily scribbled and almost illegible Fisics notes of more than half a century ago. I still have the Parker 51 fountain pen from school, although the nib is bent, but i digress.
Until my latest hypothesis can be substantiated I fear I must persist with the clenched cheeks approach next year.
ps
I must remonstrate with daughter as i think i have discovered the meaning of PITA as pronounced the same as Peter . it seems it is less than complimentary.
pps
Looking with admiration and some considerable envy at the recently posted photographs Ozzie flat rads. It is the same with the older 3 wheelers. I can but console myself with the pretty red car.
Ah!! Saved by the gong for dinner.
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Re: How do I go faster

Postby Bob Bull » Fri Nov 02, 2018 6:56 pm

I saw in the papers recently that Sheffield is the worst place in the UK …. wait for it, wait for it …….. for a good nights sleep. Apparently denizens of that fair city get less zzzzzz's than other places. This leads me to wonder if this in fact might be reason for the somewhat lethargic progress of the 'Pretty Red Car' around the race tracks, rather than any lack of talent, courage or buttock strength of Mr Peter?

Maybe the answer to our friends dilemma would be to move to more restful climes to ensure a more somnolent night. The benefits of a peaceful repose might well bring out the 'tiger' we all suspect lurks beneath the scrawny frame of Compo!
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