PANTO--Snow White and the 7 pilotes

[Bob Bull]

The audience was thin on the ground, the characters all second rate amateurs, no famous names or celebrity leading man to bolster viewing figures!

Yet another cut price offering from Impresario Vert!

Could this lame duck of a pantomime be turned around, as it was clear that Vert was not prepared to put any effort into making it a success.

The answer is obvious!! BRING IN A PROFESSIONAL MEDIA MAN, someone of exceptional talent with a proven track record of pulling in the crowds. A SUPER STAR CAPABLE OF ATTRACTING HUGE AUDIENCES.

Ah!, but where to find such a paragon? Will Vert be prepared to cough up the where withall to secure the services of such a MEGA DRAW?

While this matter is pondered upon the exising cast must seek new ways to improve the show. Windy Lindy and Malingerer Ballingerer must try and develop a more 'meaty' script, for their curt dialogue is failing to amuse the crowd. The plot must be widened and become less hackneyed. There must be less 'in-jokes' understood by only a few insiders.

First step is to form a chorus line, and thus we see Windy Lindy and Malingerer Ballingerer joined by Crafty Rafty, Windass Seabass and Baa Baa Barryboy all clad in fetching tutus and fishnet stockings performing a raunchy version of the Can Can (or Cant Cant possibly) complete with a final flourish revealing that they are not wearing any under ........! CENSORED

Meanwhile in deepest Free Canties, a contract is being prepared for a BIG NAME to take on the challenging role of the HANDSOME BOBBY SHAFTUS and drag the panto back from the edge of disaster. An impossible task for all but the most prestigious, and multi talented of RADIO STARS.

Will this be enough to bring back the likes of Phil the Vet, Mountain Jim, Johhny Embers, Cath the Laff, KT Tommo, Jonno Dashdon or even Aslam the Lion?
Only time and Christmas will tell.

With a record low attendance, and a very thin cast list things do not look good, but given goodwill and enough angry replies we may be able to make something of this disaster.

Get to it.

[Mary Lindsay]

Don't think so Bobby.
Stu Latenow

[jack bellinger]

Bob I cant believe Im saying this ,..... we missed you ................


En.Core

[Bob Bull]

...... so Malingerer awoke on Christmas morning full of cheer and Goodwill to Bob, but Windy, in a fit of pique, threw in the towel and went back to burning turkey.

Despite the 'train wreck' that had preceeded Bob's intervention we can still pull it around. After a few Yuletide noggins perhaps the spirits will be revived and the tipsy and drunken contributions will pass the censors mighty axe.

One person at least looks forward to greater wit and wisdom over the festive season to enliven thsiss payjessssss!!

Ernest N Devour.

[Bob Bull]

So ......Snow White and her seven pilotes lost their way and the panto sunk without a trace. Au revoir (?) Jack and Mary, Leigh, Barry and Peter. It only goes to prove the old adage. 'It's no good flogging a dead horse'.

Noah Deer.

[Mary Lindsay]

Bob, the trouble was a global shortage of dwarves and pilotes who could be bothered to take part.

We did our best but were let down. Anyway, it hasn't sunk without trace, it has just gone underground (with the dwarves).

It has to be said though that you were conspicuous by your absence..........

Dinah Blame-Me