winning formula

[peter rafter]

As an accomplished plagiarist i would love to claim credit for this posting from another forum, but on this occasion i merely pass it on anyway ....

" I’ve done it lads -----After years of grafting for a meagre salary, I’ve come up with an infallible way of making a shed-load of cash. I’ve written a best-selling novel. Can’t fail.A gritty tale of sex, lust, depravity and torque wrench settings:
“Fifty Shades of British Racing Green.” Watch out for it in Smiff’s in a couple of months. In the meantime, to whet your appetite...
“With one bound he was by her side. Norah felt his hot breath in her ear as he filled her limited slip differential with a semi-synthetic extreme pressure additive hypoid gear oil 2

]Wonderful.......

furthermore it wasnt long before the posting attracted comments from the literat in return for a share of the royaltiesi...

" It has some merits, but all the best novels open with memorable lines, so how about:
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, when, with one bound ….. Or
It is a truth universally held that, with one bound, he could be by her side. Norah would feel his … Or
It was a bright day in April, and the clocks were striking thirteen when, with one bound ……… Or even It was a dark and stormy night so, with one bound and ripping the thin silk from…………


only sorry i hadnt thought of it first
regards

[Mary Lindsay]

Peter, I would stick to the day job if you have one, otherwise maybe you could seek some counselling...

[Bob Bull]

Peter,
I understand where your coming from man! Like all that literary talent just waiting to burst out. Awesome. Real cool Dadio.

So I am starting a new thread for the likes of us frustrated novelists, I do hope that you will add your wisdom and panache to the endeavour, as you were the inspiration for the idea.

I am launching it under a new thread so as to keep it independent of your initial genius.

P G Outhouse.

[Leigh Sebba]

Peter – calm yourself down with a nice cup of tea – as described in Private Eye

http://www.tumblr.com/tagged/private-ey ... 1343328744

Here is the first part - to ‘wet your appetite’

I skip naked into the kitchen, my body bursting with an insatiable craving - but what for? It craves one thing and one thing only. Something warm, gurgling, moist.
Yes! A Cup of tea!
Jeez. I need it! Badly.
The kettle is electric. I glide my forefinger over its bulbous protuberance.
I press it. Upwards, upwards.
It comes alive in my hands. It lights up and leaps into action, quivering, growling, simmering, then bubbling as - oh! oh! oh! YES! YES! - it comes to the boil.
As the kettle moans and howls, my naked body known instinctively what to do. The pressure is uncontainable, it wants to detonate.
Together, the kettle and I rush headlong towards the kitchen cabinet.
My needy fingers caress the box marked ‘PG Tips’. I dive in and cup a tea-bag oh so tenderly in my hand before inserting it, firmly but gently, into the empty vessel that lies - beseeching, yearning, avid - below.

[Phil Egginton]

Something simmilar to appeal to blokes has appeared on Twitter..see http://www.twitter.com/50ShedsofGrey

'Wait,' she panted, 'Did you remember to take precautions?' 'Of course,' I said, 'I closed the shed door.'

'Don't hold back. Give it all you've got,' she said bending over before me. I didn't need telling twice - I hadn't played leapfrog in years.

'Use me,' she whispered, moistening her lips with her tongue. 'Alright,' I said, 'Hold the ladder while I creosote the shed roof.'

[Mary Lindsay]

I think a bucket of cold water should be thrown over the lot of you

[jack bellinger]

Whatever turns you on !!!!

[Mary Lindsay]

[Bob Bull]

[Bob Bull]

'Don't hold back. Give it all you've got,' she said bending over before me. I didn't need telling twice - I hadn't played leapfrog in years. So I gave her a slap as I went over.