The Definitive Report on the HSCC Finals

[Bob Bull]

Regular readers of this column will be pleased to hear that there were Morgans racing at the HSCC Finals meeing at Silverstone over the weekend, your unworthy scribe has, therefore someething to write about. whether anyone is interested is another matter.

There were nine races on the card and Morgans figured in just two of them - the first and the last!
In race one interest centred around the car of Richard Plant, sole representative of the marque, and he did not let the side down, no hopeless plunges into the first corner for Richard and drive through penalties! The race became an epic struggle between 'LEO' and a Porsche 928 driven by Paul Anderson, and mighty was the battle with the winner in doubt right up to the HSCC tablecloth being waved at the finish, where the Porsche made it home a mere 0.4 secs ahead of the intrepid Richard. Well done and 'hard luck'.
Morgan aficionados were now faced with a long afternoon until the next outing for the Malvern manufacturer, and with only races for other cars to fill in the gap, these were for cars with mudguards, with roofs and mudguards and cars with neither, so not much to hold one's attention, however!!!
Luckily for the watcher, but very unlucky for Mark Shears, help was at hand.
During his qualifying session the man from Pilerton Priors was suddenly confronted by an errant MG Midget whose bewildered pilote decided he wanted to return from whence he had come and the resulting close encounter left Mark with considerable bodywork damage and badly awry rear suspension, his race looked in doubt.
Cometh the hour, cometh the man, and in this case it was the inestimable Phillip Tisdall who saved the day. The HSCC's wisdom in it's race timing now became apparent as it left plenty of time for repairs to be effected, and Philip spent most of the time underneath Mark's car with a huge array of spanners, hammers and assorted othe tools scattered around (courtesy of the aforementioned Richard). The driver himself displayed an unexpected artistic talent with gaffer tape and loving recreated a facsimile of the original pristine bodywork the end result being that the assembled onlookers, including the writer, broke into spontaneous applause as the last bolts were fitted. Mark Shears you shall go to the ball.
The race proved another cracker with 'Noddy' getting stuck in with a TVR Griffiths and despite giving away well over a litre in engine capacity lead for much of the race and spending the bulk of the rest side-by-side. Unfortunately James lost time in lapped traffic and came home second just 2.5 secs in arrears, and first in class. Tony Howard came home an excellent fifth while Master Oliver Phillips brought his 'Custard Tart' to the flag in eighth place from 13th on the grid after a mysterious electrical malady had curtailed his qualification efforts, and Mark Hoble took 17th. spot. All-in-all not a bad day for Morgans, but what, you ay ask of the bold Mark Shears? Sadly after Phillip's trojan efforts Mark called it a day after 5 laps when a 'graunching' noise made him decide that valour should take second place to discretion.

On a personal not I would like to thank all of the above named for making me feel so welcome and not minding in the least my shameless scrounging of tea and cake (tell Mandy it was delicious).

While one could not fault Richard's hospitality, one could not help but wonder about just how close knit is the family when it was revealed that his son, far from standing on the sidelines urging Dad on spent the entire morning asleep in the family motor home! Children! Don't you just love them?

So hero of the day Phillip Tisdall, best catering Richard Plant, stray onlooker award, John Clarke, although personally I did not think it was that cold!

I hope I have not missed anyone out and that all deeds of derring do have been faithfully recorded, if so I apologise.

Anybody going to the Birkett or the Hayes. Hope to see you there.

Cheers, Bob the Reporter.
Bob

[Chris Acklam]

Great report, thanks Bob.

The two Roadsports races sound as though were SO close at the front - great stuff.

Sorry to hear that Marks' pristine car was so rudely rearranged - but good that Philip, now clearly worryingly expert at rebuilding bent cars, was able to effect a repair in time for the start, even if only temporary.

Lots of Morgan people will be there next Saturday for the Birkett I believe - two teams of 6 plus various assorted helpers and excellent hospitality.

Chris

[Andy Green]

The good news for the Birkett is 3 teams of Morgans all together in Garage 7

Everyone welcome

[Chris Acklam]

3 teams?

[Bob Bull]

For the doubting, photographic evidence of the events described in previous report may be found on the usual web site.

The Birkett looks like being a great day out - as always.
With three teams of Morgans I shall be kept very busy with my camera, should anyone care to help out let me know and I will arrange accreditation.

Bob. B.

[Andy Green]

Yes,Morgans for fun,Morgan Gentlemen and Guten Morgan

3 teams 17 cars Garage 7 starts 11.30am

Weather forcast improving

[Bob Bull]

Hi Chaps,
Look I don't wish to appear rude or boorish, but I am bound to ask why you are taking over my HSCC Report section and turning it into a 'Whose Going to the Birkett' item.
I am sure that there is plenty of space to start a new topic without planting yer size tens all over my beautifully mowed report. Think of the feelings of Richard, Phillip, Mark et al when they discover their mighty deeds have been obscured by constant references to an event yet to be held!!

Come on - play the game.

How would you like it if I advertised my tennis racket in the 'wants' department?

Any more of it and I shall sulk.

R.F. MOTOR SPORT EDITOR BBC Three Counties Radio.

[Andy Green]

Dear Bob

We only responded to the last comments within your report,so to provide the relevent information to your many admirers who may themselves now travel to the Birkett just to enjoy your ramblings

But can you cook bacon and eggs as well as report from the garage as our Chef is absent this year in London?

[Chris Acklam]

Guten Morgen Bob,

You are absolutely right, we have hijacked your thread by going off on a Birkett tangent. But we are all Morgan Gentlemen here and will do the right thing and not mention it again. Of course as we all drive our Morgans for Fun we are fascinated by your detailed and erudite reports on Morgan racing, and in particular the culinary and fabricating skills of Mark and Phillip, and of course by your selfless dedication to reducing the food mountain at the Plant motorhome.

We certainly won't mention the organised chaos that is likely to occur at Garage 7 on Saturday: 18 Morgan drivers (3 of whom will apparently be asleep in their cars), countless Managers bustling around on Important Tasks and waving clipboards imperiously, mechanics waiting resignedly for brainless drivers to bring back broken cars, frozen pit lane timekeepers wrapped in sub-zero hats and coats, and general hangers-on getting in the way and eating their way through the piles of comestibles laid on by the teams.

Not a word more.

But about your tennis racket...

[Bob Bull]

Here I go again - yet another apology - big foot in even bigger mouth- anger to be assuaged - tempers to be cooled - cross drivers to be pacified - Oh! Woe is me!

Alright! So you all had the best of intentions when you intruded into my space, and I was churlish enough to take umbrage. Ever so sorry chaps. Let me try and mitigate my guilty plea.

Last Friday I reached a milestone in my broadcasting career, when I contributed to FOUR different programmes on Three Counties Radio. Usually I appear on the sports output, but I also comment on the Red Bull Team (No relation) prior and post each GP for the MK Breakfast show, in addition every Friday I contribute a five minute piece to the Early Breakfast Show (5.30 - 6.30 am). Last Friday I received a call to talk about the 'Hamilton' situation on the Beds. Breakfast Show, as well, so a magnificent four opportunities for the general public to drool over my pearls of wisdom.
Now I know at this stage you are thinking 'Big Head'. but bear with me.
Inebriated with my own success I suggested to the Station Manager I should be paid a massive salary for my efforts and he agreed that due to my long (unpaid) service to 3CR I should receive some renumeration. Had anybody had a feather handy I would have been easy prey, but, and this is the point I have been working towards in this post, he said "after my TWELVE years of working for them", I pointed out that I had actually been reporting for 19 years. Ah! Yes he said but 12 as EDITOR!!!! I am an editor I mouthed, totally overwhelmed. "Yes".

You see for 12 years I have not been Bob the Reporter as I thought but BOB THE MOTOR SPORT EDITOR.

I admit I was so filled with my own importance that I quite forgot my manners and dared to criticise the perfectly innocent post of those I SAW AS LESSER MEN.
The balloon is pricked, ego subsided, large quantities of humble pie consumed, apologies all round.

While I shall in future carry the title 'Editor' with pride, I will endeavour to remain the ordinary decent human being I have always strived to be, and so much loved around the many paddocks of British Motor Sport.

Bob the Editor.

PS; Please note, not a word about the HSCC Finals here.

PPS: Not sure about bacon and eggs, but always willing to help in the pits.

PPPS: Chris! I lied about the tennis racket.

[Chris Acklam]

Excellent Bob, but your byline is 12 years out of date in that case. [Always a good management ploy that - when they ask for money, just give them a fancy title instead - works every time.]

But you will notice subtle differences in approach in future, I am sure. Caps will be doffed, forelocks tugged, even the occasional curtsey perhaps (though there's less of that in the Morgan ranks I'm glad to say). And we will no doubt find a certain hauteur creeping into your descriptions of the humble Morgan drivers. The end of an era. The reporter is dead, the Editor emerges fully formed, superciliousness writ large ...