A New Year Message

[jack bellinger]

Bob your a Whimp..

Mary Your Lovely..

from
The Bellinger Schoool of Charm

[Bob Bull]

Dear Aunt Lindy,
I have a problem, I have offended a certain lady with my rough and rowdy ways, and the use of inappropriate language in correspondence. The lady in question has told me that, to be restored in her good graces, I should take 'charm lessons' from a well known ladies man, however, his advice leads me to feel I was wrong to apologise and try to make amends for my error in the first place!
What should I do?

Confused of Luton.

[Mary Lindsay]

Dear Confused of Luton, I am not sure that you are reading the correct meaning into the advice you have been given. Perhaps you should ask your counsellor to explain.

[peter rafter]

dear confused


open a bottle of pauillac 2000 and drink the bottom half


you might be still confused ( but immeasureably happier)

ps note the clever avoidance of the split infinitive

[Bob Bull]

Peter,
Probably the best advice I will get, even if I don't drink,

open a bottle of pauillac 2000 and drink the bottom half

What is this substance, anything to do with Pau? Why only the bottom half, is the top bit undrinkable? Would I need a long straw?

Now I'm even more confused, luckily I feel it is time to knock this particular subject on the head, so I will just have to learn to live with disappointment, and the contempt of me old China, Jack!*

* China Plate = mate. Cockney Rhyming slang.

Many thanks to all contributors, but let us now move on to pastures greener.

Bob