2009 Panto - Jack and the Bobstalk

[Tim Hill]

I have noticed that the forum has been rather quiet of late, so I thought that we needed some encouragement to start posting during the dark December days. Regular readers may recall the PANTO section in previous years (last time 2007/8 where we achieved 200 posts ! )

Well its back - and we haven't got much time to spare....

The "rules" are simple the story starts (below) and then gets added to, hopefully toward a record 200 posts or more

Postings should be short(2 or 3 lines) but longer than a single letter!

This years Title is JACK AND THE BEANSTALK

The story begins

In a land far away there was a little house in the woods where a family called Bellinger lived..........................................

[Bob Bull]

where a family called Bellinger lived..........................................

Jack said to Mary, "By jove love, my beanstalk is really shooting up, why it has never been so tall it is almost touching the sky."
Mary replied, "Not tonight Jack, I've got a headache. No way am I climbing up to get you a few beans for breakfast, we'll send our lad in the morning."

But lurking high in the clouds was........ (to be continued)

[Mary Lindsay]

But lurking high in the clouds was........

...someone who knows that the story-line to Jack and the Beanstalk does not start like this at all.
Let us begin again:
Jolly Jack Bellinger and his long-suffering wife Sally decided to search out the magic tree where Morgans are reputed to grow.
"They say it is somewhere in Malvern" said Jack.
"Malvern" said Sally "that is a very long way from Barnet, however shall we get there?"

[Leigh Sebba]

Well said Jack – if I was that Bob Bull or that Leigh Sebba I would be fit enough to cycle there, and if feeling a bit tired I would also be old enough for a free bus pass. Otherwise we could get the bus to New Barnet, the train to Kings Cross, the tube to Paddington, and the train to Malvern – unless someone can come up with a better idea ?

(Golly this is gripping stuff)

[TonyLees]

Surely the magic tree must be in mornington crescent?

[Bob Bull]

Surely the magic tree must be in mornington crescent?

Said a VERY OLD Man, who drove a very old car.

"I went searching for the magic tree, but I came up against a brick wall." He said.

Jack was unimpressed and decided that Malvern was much too far for a man of his corpulence, but thought to himself. "Perhaps Little Bill might be persuaded to undertake the journey if I offer him a bag of beans."

Dear Sally was concerned for the safety of her fragile child and insisted the he must be fitted with every possible accessory before he ventured forth. Luckily Jack just happened to own a ................ (to be continued by some brave new contributor)

[Mary Lindsay]

Luckily Jack just happened to own a ...............

...car spares and accessories shop so was able to equip Little Billy with every possible accessory including furry dice, chrome exhaust trim, alloy wheels and a car air freshener in the shape of a beanstalk.
"There, he said to Sally, Little Billy will be quite invulnerable on his peregrination to Mornington Crescent via the usual eclectic mix of destinations" (Jack was feeling very intellectual that day and had chosen some very long words).

[john bevan]

shouldn't the panto have an automotive theme such as:

Jack and the Indicator Stalk
Spinderella
Peter Panhard Rod.............

[Mary Lindsay]

shouldn't the panto have an automotive theme such as:
Jack and the Indicator Stalk
Spinderella
Peter Panhard Rod.............

John, this is the place to show off your artistic talents... lead us into the magical wonderland to which you refer...

[jack bellinger]

Jack and the indicator stalk..
Who,s trying to bit a bit flashy then ?

Lil Bil is still try to find Ton Crescent on his sat nav.. Yes he did leave at 5 am .. and took his cow with him ( its about time we got rid of them 2)

jack

[Mary Lindsay]

Little Billy has been driving for hours and his sat nav has led him to a tiny village where his large van has become wedged in between the tiny houses along the main street. The cow has wandered off and is eating some magical plants in the front garden of one of the quaint little dwellings. Unknown to both of them they are being watched from behind the curtains in the window of the little house...

[Mary Lindsay]

By the way, I notice that Tim, who is responsible for starting this thread in the hopes of over 200 posts being made, has not yet returned to the fabulous story we are weaving on his behalf.
"COME ON TIM" they all shouted - or am I getting that mixed up with another fairy story?

[Tim Hill]

Hold on.... i'm 13 hours ahead of you lot....

From behind the twitching curtains of the quaint little house emerged a funny-looking old man, with a camera and a pair of bicycle clips strung around his neck.
“I’m Bob” said the stranger, "Good morning Billy."
"Good morning to you," said Billy, and wondered what sort of company his father has been keeping recently.
"Well, Billy, where are you off to?" said the man.
"I'm going to Barnet market to sell our cow here."
"Oh, you look the proper sort of chap to sell cows," said Bob; "I wonder if you know how many beans make five."
"Two in each hand and one in your mouth," says Billy, as sharp as a needle.
"Right you are," said Bob, "and here they are, the very beans themselves," he went on, pulling out of his pocket a tape recorder, a used hankie, a ball of string, some Werthers Original sweets and a number of strange-looking beans. "As you are so sharp," says he, "I don’t mind doing a swap with you — your cow for these beans and if you plant them overnight, by morning they grow right up to the sky."
"Really?" says Billy; "you don’t say so."

To be continued.......

[jack bellinger]

Keep the Cow Billy .. was what he had going through his mind . (His dad has always taught him not to speak to short fat bald stangers who ride bikes ) but he was tricked .. normally he gets offered sweets !! But beans .. he remembers watching his dads video the old rock opera Tommy ..... so a young boy of his age had been tempted.

( he should have kept the cow.. better the cow you know !!!)

jack

[TonyLees]

time for an old joke.

what do you call a man with a car parked on his head?







jack!