Treasure Island Alternative Version.

[Bob Bull]

Poor deluded Merry Mary, duped again by the devious Boppin' Bob!!
Watch out for a suprise when the next scene opens.................????????????????????

[Mary Lindsay]

Bob, we all went to sleep waiting for your promised instalment.

As the cheery crew trundled along the race track they spied a tree, wizened and old, stark against the green landscape.

"Why, that's the spitting image of Pirate Bob" said Jolly Jack, "surely the treasure must be buried nearby and he must really be Captain Skinflint."

At that moment a cackling laugh rang around the valley.............

[Bob Bull]

................. coming from a large crowd gathered around the harbour where Merry Mary stood looking at her Lugger, broad in the beam with barnacles on her bottom she was a delight to any seaman's eyes ...................................

[Mary Lindsay]

Bob, even landlubbers know that when a lugger is in the water the barnacles on the bottom are not visible.

You seem to be running out of interesting plot lines, maybe you should take a holiday on a desert island somewhere.

Meanwhile, back in the story, the cackling laugh was from Skinflint's parrot, perched high in a tree. The merry band of pirates exchanged insults with the bird and then pressed on to find the treasure. They had heard rumours that it included some rare Mossbox gearbox parts and a Salisbury 7HA diff. It was hard to imagine them dividing up the spoils without some dissent as to who had the greatest need.....

[Bob Bull]

You seem to be running out of interesting plot lines

I'm not the one fixated on Morgan spares, Dear Lady! My plot lines show a degree of imagination and whit, while yours remain stuck in the sands of 'Morgan Mending Land'.

Any way who said the barnacles were on the lugger?

So back to the story.
While the piratess stood forlornly next the quayside studying her lugger wondering how to remove the barnacles from her bottom. Jolly Jack had problems of his own, his rather small dinghy had not seen much action of late due to his 'Saucy Sal' having been left in Battersea Dock, leaving the suffering sailor bereft of female companionship (one can hardly count Merry Mary in that category). Unhinged by the lack of outlet for his energies Jack looked at Flint's parrot ........... "Any port in a storm he thought!"

[Mary Lindsay]

Now you are just being silly while some of us are trying to get a believable story line under way.
And remember, this is a family show. [-X

[Bob Bull]

Family show?

Why then no censure on Jack's rabbit ...small nose jibe?

One suace for the goose and a horse of a different colour for the rabbit?

............ Ah! Ha! Thougt Jack I can tie a message to the leg of that parrot and send him home to Saucy Sal in Battersea telling her to pack my winter undies, as it is getting quite cold on Treasure Island, and these pantaloons are rather threadbare. I can feel the wind blowing through the willows, rattlin' my bowlines.
Timid Tim and Battered Barry meanwhile stood bemused by the sight of Merry Mary's purple features, and wondered what on earth was she so worked up about. Were the barnacles giving her gip? Maybe they should offer to scrape the lugger's keel, to relieve the stress.
"If only moy too sons were 'ere," quoth the rugged Blackbirder, "We 'd soon 'ave her shipshape and her bristols fashioned, and ready for a full season around the islands."

[Mary Lindsay]

...even sillier Bob, why can't men be humorous without the use of innuendo?

Pirate Prim

[jack bellinger]

Mary..I hear that Parrots like to give a Peck on the Cheek... They might be Good with Barnacles !!

(get yer claws into that )

[peter rafter]

Mary, its probaly far too late, but I should warn you that "if it has got Tyres or testicles , youre going to have trouble with it"

[jack bellinger]

Oi ... Whos side are you on ?

[Mary Lindsay]

Peter, I think on both counts they get more trouble from me than I do from them.....

Jack, that parrot of yours should be kept on a lead [-X

[Bob Bull]

...even sillier Bob, why can't men be humorous without the use of innuendo?

Pirate Prim

Princess Prim mounted her White Horse, and rode to the Moral High Ground where with the aid of her Moral Compass, set out for the Land of Decency armed with the Sword of Rectitude and her Shield of Righteousness. Her mission was to free the World from the Scourge of Innuendo, and all those despicable males who practised the Evil Art, however, she had fallen in with as disreputable crowd of ne're do wells, as had ever populated the Planet of Beaychpee, and found that her Good Intentions were as nought when faced with the Uncouth Barbarians of the Seasonal Panto. Despite her Earnest Outpourings on the subject of Cleanliness is Next To Mogliness, the likes of Dirty Bob, Porno Pete, Rude Jack and similar Ornery Cusses were completely unmoved and vowed to continue with Dodgy Double Entendres.

"..even sillier Bob" Ooh! Mary how naughty you are. It took me sometime to work that one out.

[Bob Bull]

Mary..I hear that Parrots like to give a Peck on the Cheek... They might be Good with Barnacles !!

(get yer claws into that )

Jack! You are scraping the bottom of the .................................barrel with that one!

[peter rafter]

Jacks@ parrot
Recently Ijack received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity. Jacktried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else e could think of to "clean up" the bird's vocabulary (hold on a minute,are we talking about jack?????. Finally, jack was fed up and yelled at the parrot.
The parrot yelled back.
Jack shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even ruder. So, in desperation, Jack threw up his hands, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer. For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed. Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute. Fearing that I'd hurt the parrot, jack quickly opened the door to the
freezer.
The parrot calmly stepped out onto my outstretched arms and said "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behaviour." jack was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude.
As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behaviour, the bird continued, "May I ask what the turkey did?"