Treasure Island Alternative Version.

[john bevan]

"ooh..ahh..err.ooohhhaahh " said Pirate Bellinger, who had been at the ale again.
..."Anyway" said Admiral Ahlers, "let us proceed to Snetterton. "
"How shall we travel?" asked the pirates. "There are many bends to negotiate on the way"
"Take your carts slowly into the corner, and make your horses pull you out quickly (always looking out for faster carts) said the Admiral, and at the end of the straight you will find great Riches..........

[jack bellinger]

(always looking for faster carts)... Dont you mean the GOOTW,s who,s carts are pulled by the GGG,s(get it) .... "CLEARWAYS " he shouts holding on to the top of his Mast with his Hairpined back .... we will have to keep our Eagle eyes open says the DIGFEC (thats the rest of us) " The gold belongs to the GOOTW,s ..........

[Bob Bull]

"Avast there ye lubbers!" Came a cry, and surging out of the mist came a vast array of French carts, buzzing like bumble bees, as they swarmed around the bewildered pirates in their pantaloons (Plus fours in English). Hard on the heels of the Froggies came an armada of Morgan Graters, know as MG's., and Trumps, Big Cats, and A'seas completely overwhelming the outdated Malverns.
"Woe! We are undone." cried Gregarious Pa Knell, hunched inside his cabin, and commenced to wail in a hideous voice a bizarre version of 'Old Peter Cole' well know ballad of the era.
Tom Airs turned to his buxom partner and urged her to "Hide the silverware, Dear, for Crissy's sake, 'ere we lose all of our hard won spoils". What a picture they made in their bewilderment (a scene switly captured in oils by a passing artist).

Fearing her soul mate was in the grip of the fits, she swiftly sent a carrier parrott to Doc Laidlow begging his attendance on the stricken Tom ..............

(to be continued after breakfast)

[Mary Lindsay]

a scene switly captured in oils by a passing artist

Two questions :
1. Is switly an artistic style like impressionism?
2. Did the artist use Castrol oils?

[Bob Bull]

Two questions :1. Is switly an artistic style like impressionism?2. Did the artist use Castrol oils?

Mary,
You often amaze me with your lack of knowledge on some quite commonplace subjects. Any fool knows that switly is a style of painting that combines speed and sweetness in equal measure. The style is exant in the works of Rubens*, Turner** and Whistler***.

I know that you are always anxious to mock and deride my literary efforts, out of jealousy I presume, but do cheque your flacks befour doin sew.

Bap.

* Barrichello
** Darren
*** My old dog.

[john bevan]

anyway, the bravish pirates (some with sore heads) set off again. This time they were directed to the Castle of Combe in Wildest Wiltshire. Go past the Quarry, and watch out for the Camp, where the villagers are very cheery and flamboyant..............

[Bob Bull]

....meanwhile the recently retired Vice Admiral Tacklem, had bought a small sailing vessel and stood proudly on the upper deck, sadly he had been conned by a Chelsea Pensioner masquerading as a Ships Chandler, Tacklem had therefore become known as the 'Dupe on the Poop of a Sloop'.

Even more meanwhile Long Johns parrott, somewhat inebriated after lapping up the left overs from the pirates carousing, had burst into a dubious version of the pirates theme song;

Yo1 Ho! Ho! and a litre of ale, shiver me beak and wag me tail,
Off to the the tavern I am bound, where Plus 4 lunchers can be found.
Full steam ahead and foot on the throttle, they're all getting drunk at the Leathern Bottle.
Tucking back turkey looking all puffed, so just like the turkey they can all get st...............

At this point he fell off his perch, - which instantly swam away.

Yet even more meanwhile both Tom's son, and Harry's son were slowly recovering conciousness, when the dreaded Press Gang lurched into sight.

"Oh! No! They cried, 'It's that dreadful chap from Three Counties, and he's got his paint brush and easel with him. Now we will be all over the Pirate Web Site.'

Disaster looms on the horizon for the hapless pair and the only thing that can save them is ............................

[Bob Bull]

Programme Notes;

It has been difficult to recruit contributors to this entertainment, with many potential entrants seemingly reluctant to pick up their keyboard. This is disappointing, however, one notes that as soon as mention of a beer swilling bash is advertised elsewhere on site a whole slew of members can't wait to add their name to the list attending!!!

What does that say about such types?

[john bevan]

I say keel haul anyone who indulged in any drinking or dancing at the dinne r........

[Bob Bull]

I say keel haul anyone who indulged in any drinking or dancing at the dinne r........

John,
I firmly believe that you can disport yourself (Misses B allowing) at the Cowhide Flask in January with a clear consience, as you have more than done your bit for Treasure Island, but let's keel haul the rest of the scurvy knaves!!

[Mary Lindsay]

Well me hearties, a treasure map to anyone who recognises the well known pirate (pilote) playing the rear end of this panto cow which has mysteriously strayed into our Treasure Island panto.

[Bob Bull]

Mary, It is good to see that you have, at last, reached civilisation after so many weeks adrift in the Sargasso Sea, however, the challenge of identifying the rear end of a cow is fraught with peril, I fear.
The consequences of a wrong answer could cause a bitter vendetta, Corsican style, among friends and colleagues.
However the bearded Dame in your picture can only be y ...............!! (No! No! Bob, don't chance it.)

Mind you from the startled look on the front of the animal, I'm not sure I want to know anymore, about the rear end.

[jack bellinger]

Blimey ....
The one with the curly hair looks like me wife !!

[Bob Bull]

Blimey ....
The one with the curly hair looks like me wife !!

Could be worse Jack, she might have looked like the bloke milking the cow, or even the ...................No! No! Bob, don't chance it!

[jack bellinger]

Bob you must mean the one that looks like me" Mother in Law"