brakehorsepower.net

Regular readers may recall the PANTO section in previous years (last time 2005/6)

Well its back

The "rules" are simple the story starts (below) and then gets added to,hopefully toward a record 10 pages or more

Postings should be short(2 or 3 lines) but longer than a single letter!

This years Title is SNOW WHITE AND ?

The story begins

In a land far away there was a little house in the woods with a family called RED,lived..........................................

Bob was a Proxy Cockney from somewhere past Luton (mate)... Mary as we all know was a good old fashioned Essex Girl with only 2 kids (yeh right) ....Jerry whos was really named Andy had a split personality and even at 13 was looking for an innoccent Blonde or on the other hand a an innoccent Brunnette (not in Essex I might say)). Jack at the ripe old age of 10 was always acting like child they thought he,d grown out of this stage by the age of 7 but no .. A normal family really

So they set out on thier quest to find Jerry/Andy a Pure Maiden( they left Essex straight away) in thier converted 11 seater Morgan(called Mable) .
Whilst stopping at at motorway service station they met 7 little hitchikers . the biggest of the 7 was 2ft 6in.Grumpy Goodard........

.......Grumpy was accompanied by her husband 'Smirky Godhe'sard' they too owned a Mrogran People Shifter, much to the chagrin of Jack the Elf and his unhappy brood of delinquents. Jack had always considered his unfortunate spouse as a sort of Trophy, mainly because it was the only one he had ever won, and was fiercely jealous of those, like the aforesaid Bob, Mary et al who had been more selective in their accquisition of suitable Panto characters as lifes partners.
To hide his wrath he started to whistle 'Andysleeves' tunelessly, muttering that's 'andy mate............ A whole raft(er) of ideas then began to flow from the rest of the cast...........

Jack the elf sat in his corner eating his curds and whey and looked up to the 2ft 6in lady called Grumpy Goodard and knew he would never get lucky as he was still such a childish lad, but he thought he would Potter his time away chatting to Andrew the spider who had just come along and sat next to him.

Smirkey saw this and grinned because he knew the little elf was actually terrified of spiders and could wet his pants any minute....

jack the elf thought that Grumpy G was a bloke at first but now Grumpy G,s a girlie He tried even with all the kings horses and all the kings men,, Grumpy G still blanked him!!! So he went up the hill and met Jill..

Suddenly all the lights went out, and a single spot light shone it's radiant beam on to the buxom figure of Widow Twankey (played by Ron Embers) wearing a diaphanous race suit and fishnet tights (actually a pair of John's old nylons with holes in them). To the sensuous beat of a tamba drum Twankey started into a raunchy version of the Dance of the Seven Veils, although due to budgetary constraints the veils were replaced by ex-army blankets. Then from stage left there appeared the 'Gerry Knight' dressed in a rusty suit of armour and wearing a chamber pot in place of a helmet and riding a pantomine horse, the front end filled by Tim's uncle and the ars .... er rear end by Jonathon who rushed on, waving a pair of Shears, who was not wearing them at the time .........

Jack the elf and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water.
Jill forgot to take the pill so now they've got a daughter.

HI HO

Jack,
I feel a song coming on here, only problem is that the one I know is un printable

Hi Ho Its off to ...something something and so on

Far be it for me to interject into this panto, but I was wondering..... Is it me, or is this thread being written by the same persons that write the London Centre reports in Miscellany?

I can't understand them either !!

Yuletide felicitations to you all

Tim

Proxy Cockney, Jack the elf and Smirky all wondered where the mysterious stranger with the corks dangling from his hat had come from, was that a didgeridoo he was holding in his hand ? Why had he tied his kangaroo down? What on earth was he doing with that billabong?
These questions needed an answer before Alladin (played by Noty Eels) could rub his lamp, although preferably not in public. Where, they also asked themselves, were the rest of the cast of thousands promised by Producer Andy the Environmentalist. Ten pages ? Yeah!!

But then ..................

Sorry - too busy bakstage at a REAL (not cyber) panto - Beauty and the Deep - at Nayland Village Hall. A kind of Finding Nemo panto. Packed houses last w/e and just a few tickets left for coming w/e.
Iris does a very glamorous dance in psychedelic wetsuit lit by UV lighting.
No - photos will NOT be publicised.

But I could try a bit of brakehorsepower panto composition -

Mary had a little car
Coloured red you know
And everywheere that Mary raced
That car was sure to go

Sometimes she would lead her Class
And rarely does she spin
In fact she is jolly fast
And always likes to win

OR

Jack & Mary raced down the straight
Both tried to avoid the water
Jack span off and broke his crown (wheel & pinion)
And Mary drove by in laughter

Leigh

How many more pages to fill with this rubbish ?

Leigh Sebba wrote:Sorry - too busy bakstage at a REAL (not cyber) panto - Beauty and the Deep - at Nayland Village Hall. A kind of Finding Nemo panto. Packed houses last w/e and just a few tickets left for coming w/e.
Iris does a very glamorous dance in psychedelic wetsuit lit by UV lighting.
No - photos will NOT be publicised.

But I could try a bit of brakehorsepower panto composition -

Mary had a little car
Coloured red you know
And everywheere that Mary raced
That car was sure to go

Sometimes she would lead her Class
And rarely does she spin
In fact she is jolly fast
And always likes to win

OR

Jack & Mary raced down the straight
Both tried to avoid the water
Jack span off and broke his crown (wheel & pinion)
And Mary drove by in laughter

Leigh

How many more pages to fill with this rubbish ?

I suppose there's always one person who doesn't read/follow the instructions

Meanwhile Doc Laidlow was called to an emergency house call as Sneezy Simon Omy Goodness had sneezed so hard that he had blown over the poor Bashful Bellringer who had his head stuck firmly under the bonnet of a blue 4/4 (as usual). Sleepy Tim Clank woke with a fright when he heard the noise and jumped into his little white Moggie and drove for miles and miles and miles into the dark flooded plains of Worcestershire. It was fortunate that Happy Lee Spellingmistake was around to keep everyone on their toes with merry quips and lines from another production "Beauty and the Deep - at Nayland Village Hall. A kind of Finding Nemo panto."

Mirror Mirror on the Wall ...Who has the Prettiest Mog of All ( only red ones allowed )


jack